sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
