Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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