I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
