No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
