he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
