Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize