You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
