just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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