we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
