your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
