you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
