you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We had to coat check the pizza.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
