i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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