I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
