Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
