And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
