Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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