She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
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Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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