I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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