Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
