So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
