All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
