i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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