I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize