So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
