It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
