Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
