I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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