so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
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i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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