You're my little dorito
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I understand Curling. That high.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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