New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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