'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
