I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
