remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
