thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
