complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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