Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
