how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I need moral support for this bender
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
