Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
