so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
