went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
