How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
