i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
