i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
