You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
