plz talk dirty to me
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
