I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
