This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
