I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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