What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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