after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
