So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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