Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
