So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Two words: blizzard sex
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
