So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
