you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i believe in u and ur pee
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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