Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
