She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
