Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
