We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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