i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There's always time for handjobs
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
