After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
