I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
