She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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