Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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