ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.