he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza