Dude i fell asleep inside of her
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just googled if crying burns calories
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this